Jack Jordan - Suicide and Bereavement

Jack Jordan is a psychologist in private practice in Sherborn, Massachusetts, where he specializes in working with loss and bereavement. He is also the founder and Director of the Family Loss Project, a research and clinical group providing services for bereaved families. He has worked with survivors of suicide and other losses for more than 25 years, and is the co-author of a new book for survivors titled After Suicide Loss: Coping with Your Grief. He has also published articles in professional journals about grief counseling, support groups, and the particular bereavement experience of suicide survivors. Jack provides training nationally for therapists and other healthcare professionals through the American Academy of Bereavement (Center for Hospice & Palliative Care, Buffalo, NY) and the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, where he is on the Board of Directors of the New England Chapter of AFSP. He is the also a Co-Principal Investigator on a research project to increase our knowledge about the problems, support needs, and coping resources of suicide survivors.

Order Mr. Jordan’s New book here

Beverly Hurley

Beverly Hurley is the President of the National Board of Directors of Bereaved Parents of the USA. June 1 1990 Beverley’s 22 year old daughter, Debby, died after a short and painful battle with cancer. In 2000 Beverley became the Tampa Bay Chapter leader of Bereaved Parents of the USA and in 2006 became the organization’s National President. Beverley’s life has become one of service and a belief in the healing aspects of continuing to work on grief and not let our children be forgotten.

Child Loss: Guests: Emily Laitmon & Joanne Cacciatore

Emily Laitmon is a licensed psychotherapist practicing in New Rochelle and New York City. She is the bereaved mother of Daniel and editor of the book Our Children, Our Hearts, Journeys of Child Loss and Rememberance. She is a grief counselor and group facilitator for Bereavement Center of Westchester.

New York Times Article featuring Emily Laitmon

Joanne Cacciatore found her life’s purposed challenges after the death of her daughter, Cheyenne, during the birth process.  By 1996, the former stay-at-home mother of four other children had founded the MISS (Mothers in Sympathy and Support) Foundation, which is dedicated to providing crisis support and long-term aid to families after the death of a child.

MISS Foundation

Robin Goodman - Caring for Kids After Trauma & Death

(CBS) Dr. Robin F. Goodman has been a contributor to CBS News’ The Early Show since August 2006. Dr. Goodman is a licensed clinical psychologist and art therapist. She has frequently commented on radio and in print, including Ladies Home Journal, Working Mother, Child, Parents, and Seventeen magazines.

Dr. Goodman has authored more than 100 online articles and written and developed “Caring for Kids After Trauma and Death: A Guide for Parents and Professionals,” used throughout the country following 9/11 and during the war in Iraq. She was a youth panel expert for the White House Initiative on Mental Health. She is currently Director of Family Programs for Voices of September 11th and a consultant to Allegheny General Hospital Center for Traumatic Stress in Children and Adolescents (since 2004).

Most recently, Dr. Goodman consulted the Department of Defense, Educational Opportunities Directorate (2004) and National Child Traumatic Stress Network (2004-05). She was once a Clinical Associate Professor in Psychiatry at New York University School of Medicine, where she worked with the Child Study Center as Director of Bereavement Programs and AboutOurKids.org (1999-2004). Her diverse professional training includes Bellevue Hospital and other New York public and private hospitals.

In addition, as Director of Public Education, Dr. Goodman led activities for the Childhood Revealed project and the National Child Mental Health Initiative (1999-2002), which focused on child mental health awareness. She established the first Child Life Program in Pediatric Hematology/Oncology at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York (1982-85) and developed and directed the behavioral health service of the Stephen D. Hassenfeld Children’s Center for Cancer and Blood Disorders at NYU Medical Center (1989-1999). Dr. Goodman, past president of the American Art Therapy Association, has been involved in state and national governmental affairs, and served on the editorial board of the American Journal of Art Therapy.

Dr. Goodman’s book credits include “The Day Our World Changed: Children’s Art of 9/11,” “Turbulent Times Prophetic Dreams: Art from Israeli and Palestinian Children” and “Childhood Revealed: Art Expressing Pain, Discovery and Hope,” which contains art by children and teens with psychiatric or physical illness, learning difficulties, experiencing a divorce, or living through a trauma. The book received a Ken Award from the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill-NYC Metro and art from the book was exhibited at the Whitney Museum of American Art before moving on to Rockefeller Plaza and a three-year nationwide tour.

She is a magna cum laude graduate of Smith College, has a masters degree from New York University, and a doctorate from the Derner Institute at Adelphi University, where she received the Kalike Research Award. Dr. Goodman maintains a private practice working with adults, adolescents, and children with relationship, emotional, and behavioral problems, in addition to having particular expertise in trauma and bereavement.

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The Widow’s Guide - Surviving the Loss of a Mate

By Jane Costello

Life after a death. Tools for surviving the loss of a mate. Short and simple steps that help redefine who you are.

W = Was- Life as you knew it, Isn’t anymore. Your job, Like it or not, Is to remake it.

I = Independent - I was independent before but that was because I knew I had backup at home at the end of the day. Now you must be independent on your own and be your own backup. No negative self talk. You can’t afford it!

D = Determination, Details, Do it! Death has nothing to do with your life now. It’s how you got here but “Let it Go”!

O = Ownership of your own life. If you are too into yourself, It is time to give to others. You are what you make yourself to be. Cut yourself some slack. This is probably the hardest job of your life.

W = Winner! “Winners know a goal is only as worthy as the effort that’s required to achieve it. Winners make the world a better place.” (Nancye Sims’ Poem, “Be A Winner”.) Recommended reading.

Here are some more tips that will help you function in survival mode.

Maintain face to face contact with people every day.

Select a support group that has your best interests in mind. There are those who mean well but because of their own issues, drag you down. (Be careful, you are vulnerable)

Listen to your higher power or gut when making decisions.

Succeeding is living each day. Pat yourself on the back until your arm hurts.

Respect your feelings. Get your feelings out so you can look at them. Never ignore or stuff them away. Get them out or they will fester.

I’ve been a widow for eight years and I still have to work at it every day. Know that you are not alone and together we will continue to grow stronger.

Jane Costello is a freelance writer, artist, and Motivator. If you wish to contact Jane, visit her site at http://www.wallsthatspeak.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jane_Costello http://EzineArticles.com/?The-Widows-Guide—Surviving-the-Loss-of-a-Mate&id=1239776

Stories of Loss, Healing and Hope - Guests: Nancee Sobonya and Reg Green

Nancee Sobonya is a documentary filmmaker whose father died suddenly when she was seventeen. She has worked in the area of death and dying for the last 20 years and recently completed a compelling educational documentary called, “The Gifts of Grief.”

Reg Green is the parent of the 7 year-old, Nicholas Green, who was shot in Italy during a botched robbery in 1994. The Greens donated their son’s organs to seven Italians, four of them teenagers. A made-for-television movie starring Jamie Lee Curtis called “Nicholas’ Gift” was made from their story.
e-mail: green@nicholasgreen.org, reggreen@charter.net

Meanings of Life, Death, Loss, and Grieving, Guests: Thomas Attig, Ph.D. and Nancy Cincotta

Thomas Attig, Ph.D., and applied philosopher, is the author of The Heart of Grief: Death and the Search for Lasting Love and How We Grieve: Relearning the World. His latest work, Catching Your Breath in Grief, tells the story of how we breathe into life; loss takes our breath away; and, through grieving, we catch our breath and live meaningfully again. He invites you to visit him at www.griefsheart.com. e-mail: tattigca@earthlink.net

Nancy Cincotta is on the faculty at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine and is the Psychosocial Director of Camp Sunshine, a nationally based retreat program for bereaved families and families of children with life-threatening illnesses. Her current research centers on the role of hope in the lives of families with seriously ill children.
e-mail: nancycincotta@gmail.com

Continuing Bonds through Albums and Stories, Guests: Lesley Mattos and Luellen Hoffman

Lesley Mattos lost her father to a massive heart attack at age 15. After a successful 28 year career in high tech, she had the idea for a product that would help families celebrate special moments in the lives of their loved ones and founded Adesso Albums. Among her products are unique Memorial Photo Guest Books.

Luellen Hoffman, adjunct professor at George Mason University in Fairfax , Virginia, is the author of Special Dream - After the Death of a Loved One. The death of Luellen’s husband, Michael in 1994, her own healing experience with dreams, and those of others she interviewed were the inspiration for this book.
e-mail: Lesley@adessoalbums.com; luellen1@cox.net

Compassionate Friends: Finding Hope through Service, Guest: Genesse Gentry and Tom Baer

In 1991 Genesse Gentry’s twenty-one year old daughter Lori was killed in an automobile accident leaving a surviving sibling, Megan. Genesse is the Regional Coordinator for Northern California Compassionate Friends. Genesse is also a poet and author of Stars in the Deepest Night – After the Death of a Child.
As a result of the murder of his son on the campus of the University of Tennessee in 1988, Tom Baer has, become a fierce advocate for college campus safety, and Crime Victims’ Rights. Tom serves on the national board of directors for The Compassionate Friends.

Healing With Hope: Rabbi Earl Grollman

JANUARY 17, 2008 – HEALING WITH HOPE:  RABBI EARL GROLLMAN.  Rabbi Grollman is a noted writer, lecturer and teacher.  He is the author of twenty-seven books on crisis management.  He was Rabbi of the Beth El Temple Center, Belmont, Massachusetts, for thirty-six years before taking early retirement to write and address countless groups around the world.  He was one of the founders of Samaritans, a national organization for suicide prevention and intervention. 

Dr. Grollman also helped establish Good Grief, which helps schools around the nation deal with grief.  His twenty-seventh book and newest book is Living With Loss, Healing with Hope: A Jewish Perspective. 

Rabbi Grollman:  I think it’s true for many of us especially if we lived in an urban community.  Adults say I can’t handle it.  How can my poor kids understand it?  And so I think this is true with adults consumed with their own pain and with their agony, with their own torment, and the children.  What do they know?  The children are the forgotten mourners.  I remember as a clergy person, I’d walk into a home, talk to all of the adults while the kids were all by themselves crying their eyes out.  And so we somehow felt that the children were too young.  They couldn’t understand.  And this is the great problem that we’ve had dealing with children is not understanding that a person is a person no matter how small. 
Rabbi Grollman:  The important thing is they want to talk.  Don’t say how are you? because the child will say fine.  Let them know that you are in pain, too.  Let them see where you are.  Encourage them to participate in the family sorrow.  They need to express their own emotions to the ceremonies of death, whether it’s the wake, the funeral, the shivas, the interments.  Don’t plan a one tell it all.  You know, I already told you.  It’s a continuing dialogue.  You have to go over and over and over again. 

Rabbi Grollman:  You validate a child in grief.  When someone dies, a child often feels many things at once.  It can be confusing, overwhelming.  It’s scary.  In addition, the feelings are new to them and it makes them even more frightened.  And the child asks the questions and needs to validate their feelings.  Don’t minimize their feelings.  It’s very common not to know what to say in answer to some of the questions and sometimes it’s okay to say I don’t know.  I’ve often wondered about that myself.  Let’s talk about it.  Tell me more about how you’re feeling.

Rabbi Grollman:  Don’t argue with people in bereavement.  Even people who go to church or synagogue or the mosque regularly say there is no God.  How could God do this?  Don’t argue and say what do you mean there’s no God?  Just say isn’t it nice that you can say this to me?  And throughout the Old Testament, the New Testament, the Hebrew Bible, the New Testament.  My God, my God, why have you forsaken me.  So I have to tell you when I was called to Oklahoma City after the bombing, I will never forget saying if some of you are angry, are you angry at God?  I give you permission.  I’m speaking at a Sunday morning service in a church of a thousand people.  If you’re angry, God can take it.  For the first time ever, people stood up and applauded me.  The people whose family had died stood up and applauded. 

Rabbi Grollman:  When I was a little boy many years ago, I was taught angry thoughts make bad people.  Angry thoughts make very human people.  We’re angry because life isn’t fair.

Rabbi Grollman:  Grief is an emotion it’s not a disease.  A grief is as natural as eating when you’re hungry, drinking when you’re thirsty, sleeping when you’re tired.  Grief is nature’s way of healing a broken heart.  When someone you love has died and part of you has been buried with your loved one and that anger and pain and fear wash over you in waves, you may hurt so much that you may even want to die too.  And at that moment, you wonder if you will ever survive.

Rabbi Grollman:  People grieve in different ways, according to so many different variations.  Their ethnic backgrounds.  If you live in the Middle East you can cry and scream and that’s okay.  But somehow people will say to me, I hope I don’t cry.  I don’t want to break down.  Especially if they’re men because there’s often a great differential in the way men and women grieve.  And I will say to them, cars break down.

Rabbi Grollman:  Then you can say isn’t it nice you can.  The important thing to do is not only to validate their feelings but to ventilate their feelings.  The most important thing I say to people wherever I go.  After school shootings.  After Ground Zero.  If I can say grief is not a sickness.  And you’re not crazy.  This is what most people think that happens.  I’m crazy.  I can’t eat.  I can’t sleep.  I can’t concentrate.  I’m driving my car.  I come to a red light.  I forgot whether the red light means stop or go.  I go to make out a bank deposit slip.  I forgot how.  Don’t tell anybody.  What I’m trying to say is when someone is dying, part of you has died.  When someone has died, life will never again be the same.  And the idea, is there closure?  There’s no such thing.  So all of a sudden two months later or six months later, it’s always there.

Rabbi Grollman:  Time is neutral.  It’s not time heals.  It’s what we do with our time.  So in terms of healing, the first thing we do is we validate their feelings.  How you feel, Heidi.  Whatever you may feel, it’s okay.  These are your feelings.  Accept these feelings.  They’re not good.  They’re not bad.  These are your normal feelings and everyone is different.  It depends upon your relationship to the person, how you handle other kinds of stresses in your life, and what kinds of support are you receiving.  After that, I think what you have to do is after we validate, we have to ventilate.  We have to let it go.

Rabbi Grollman:  People have to find their own answers.  I’m their eye doctor.  I put their spectacles on so they can see more clearly.  I’m most helpful when I can tell them places where they may go to be of help.  The solitary heart has to throb with others.  The people who could help people were people who had been through it.  To say, I felt the same way, or it’s okay to feel this way, and then all of a sudden, one touch of sorrow makes the whole world kin.  Sometimes you’re stuck in your grief.  You can’t get up in the morning.  You don’t want to be with friends.  You don’t want to go to work.  Life after a period of time has no meaning whatsoever and going for professional help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength.  It means you want to take charge of your life but make sure that the therapist that you’re seeing has had a background in grief therapy.

Rabbi Grollman:  Grief is like weeding a flowerbed in the summer.  You have to do it over and over again until the seasons change.

Rabbi Grollman:  We talked about accepting your grief, expressing your grief.  You still have to monitor your health.  Eat as well as you can for your own body needs nourishment after the grueling experience of grief.  Depression can also be lightened by biochemical changes through exercise and put balance back into your life.  And I’m finding especially with older people now, avoid the abuse of alcohol and drugs.  Drugs and alcohol can sedate for the moment but they ultimately leave the nervous system in shreds.  I think the importance of sharing the pain of your darkness with a friend or friends.  Don’t withdraw from others because by your silence, you deny them the opportunity to share your own inner self.  And I think sometimes by helping others, by diverting your energies to people and causes, you learn to face your own reality.  You become more independent and let go of the past by living in the present.

Rabbi Grollman:  It’s the people who have been through it who can say, this is what helped me.  Now it may not help you, but you might consider it.  So again, all we can do is let people know these are possibilities that you might like to do and if you’re a friend, let them know that it’s not over and that you’ll continue to be with them.  This I think is the most important thing of all.  To let them know.  To continue to call and visit.  Remember holidays and birthdays and anniversaries.  Do all of the things.  Send a personal letter.

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