Comments for opentohopedeathofaspouse.com http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com Fri, 12 Mar 2010 00:50:18 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.1 Comment on Will I Ever Find Me Again? — New Roles After the Death of a Spouse by Beverly McManus http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com/death-of-a-spouse/contributing-authors/will-i-ever-find-me-again-new-roles-after-the-death-of-a-spouse/#comment-84 Beverly McManus Fri, 26 Jun 2009 04:20:17 +0000 http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com/?p=342#comment-84 Tammy, Thanks so much for sharing your experience with us. I promise that you have the strength within to get through this. Sending you lots of hope, support, and wishes for continued healing. Hope you'll stay in touch! Hugs, Beverly Tammy,
Thanks so much for sharing your experience with us. I promise that you have the strength within to get through this. Sending you lots of hope, support, and wishes for continued healing. Hope you’ll stay in touch!
Hugs,
Beverly

]]> Comment on Everything Seems So Unreal — Coping with Unexpected Death by Leticia Blanton http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com/death-of-a-spouse/death-of-spouse/young-widows/everything-seems-so-unreal-coping-with-unexpected-death/#comment-83 Leticia Blanton Tue, 23 Jun 2009 18:31:23 +0000 http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com/?p=283#comment-83 I am so glad I found you. I lost my husband to suicide in October of 2008 and it has been a very tough ride so far. Thankfully, I did not find him but spent 24 agonizing hours in the hospital after I took him off of life support watching him die. I laid across his body and screamed inside blaming myself. We were only married 18 months and along with grief is the immense feeling of being cheated out of what should have been a lifetime together. He was an Iraqi war vet and it is frustrating because unless he lost his life in the line of duty, we get very little support from the VA. His family helped us immensely financially and has completely cut us off and blames me for his death. Initially, they harrassed me to the point where I had to cut communication off from them completely just to save my sanity. They still are very hostile despite my attempts to make peace. I have 3 children from a previous marriage who absolutely adored John and are grieving as well. He also has two boys. It has been 8 months since his death and the good days are really just days that I put the grief and horror to the back of my mind to get a break from it. I have gone to a support group one time but I was in a very angry stage and came out mad after I heard someone mention something about the grief being worse in year 2. I thought to myself, " WHAT?? 2 years??!?!?!?! I dont want to be crying 2 years from now! I have things to do! " It wasnt until later that I realized that my life is forever changed. 2 years will come and go and I will still be in grief....but that's ok. So while it is still so raw, I am sadly becoming accustomed to being sad. I dont think the pain will ever go away....we will simply get better at dealing with it. I am so glad I found you. I lost my husband to suicide in October of 2008 and it has been a very tough ride so far. Thankfully, I did not find him but spent 24 agonizing hours in the hospital after I took him off of life support watching him die. I laid across his body and screamed inside blaming myself.
We were only married 18 months and along with grief is the immense feeling of being cheated out of what should have been a lifetime together. He was an Iraqi war vet and it is frustrating because unless he lost his life in the line of duty, we get very little support from the VA. His family helped us immensely financially and has completely cut us off and blames me for his death. Initially, they harrassed me to the point where I had to cut communication off from them completely just to save my sanity. They still are very hostile despite my attempts to make peace.
I have 3 children from a previous marriage who absolutely adored John and are grieving as well. He also has two boys.
It has been 8 months since his death and the good days are really just days that I put the grief and horror to the back of my mind to get a break from it. I have gone to a support group one time but I was in a very angry stage and came out mad after I heard someone mention something about the grief being worse in year 2. I thought to myself, ” WHAT?? 2 years??!?!?!?! I dont want to be crying 2 years from now! I have things to do! ” It wasnt until later that I realized that my life is forever changed. 2 years will come and go and I will still be in grief….but that’s ok. So while it is still so raw, I am sadly becoming accustomed to being sad.
I dont think the pain will ever go away….we will simply get better at dealing with it.

]]> Comment on Will I Ever Find Me Again? — New Roles After the Death of a Spouse by Tammy http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com/death-of-a-spouse/contributing-authors/will-i-ever-find-me-again-new-roles-after-the-death-of-a-spouse/#comment-82 Tammy Thu, 18 Jun 2009 18:08:13 +0000 http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com/?p=342#comment-82 Beverly, Thank you so much for this article I lost my husband of 12 years in an accident 3 months ago, and I am left with two young children. I enjoyed your article because it helped me to see that I am not alone! I too have made some major changes with regard to my home in just the past 3 months, and I have almost felt guilty for it. After reading your article it has made me have a little bit of peace over the matter. I find that making decisions is the most difficult task ahead of me. Each time a new issue arises that I need to make decision I cringe, and try everything in my power to avoid it. Thank you for sharing your story with us, Tammy Beverly,
Thank you so much for this article I lost my husband of 12 years in an accident 3 months ago, and I am left with two young children. I enjoyed your article because it helped me to see that I am not alone! I too have made some major changes with regard to my home in just the past 3 months, and I have almost felt guilty for it. After reading your article it has made me have a little bit of peace over the matter. I find that making decisions is the most difficult task ahead of me. Each time a new issue arises that I need to make decision I cringe, and try everything in my power to avoid it.
Thank you for sharing your story with us,
Tammy

]]> Comment on 10 Dating Tips for Widows and Widowers by Geri http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com/death-of-a-spouse/dealing-with-grief/featured-articles/10-dating-tips-for-widows-and-widowers/#comment-81 Geri Mon, 15 Jun 2009 07:06:02 +0000 http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com/?p=330#comment-81 Dear Abel, My widower boyfriend and I will have been dating two years June 20. We started dating 81/2 months after his wife died suddenly of a heart attack. He has four adult children two boys and two girls; ages 26, 23, 21 and 18. It took eighteen months for Matt, the oldest, to be able to converse with me. The other three are barely talking to him now. His son Christoper told him two weeks ago that he was going to start communicating with him again and realized he couldn't tell his Dad how to lead his life; however, he hasn't heard from him nor received return phone calls from him since. His two daughters are not talking to him other than sending him the occasional abusive email. They believe he has forgotten their mother, that dating so soon afterwards was a betrayal of her. They hate me without even knowing me. It is a horrible situation. He has asked the girls to go to counselling with him but they refuse. What can we do? Dear Abel,

My widower boyfriend and I will have been dating two years June 20. We started dating 81/2 months after his wife died suddenly of a heart attack. He has four adult children two boys and two girls; ages 26, 23, 21 and 18. It took eighteen months for Matt, the oldest, to be able to converse with me. The other three are barely talking to him now. His son Christoper told him two weeks ago that he was going to start communicating with him again and realized he couldn’t tell his Dad how to lead his life; however, he hasn’t heard from him nor received return phone calls from him since. His two daughters are not talking to him other than sending him the occasional abusive email. They believe he has forgotten their mother, that dating so soon afterwards was a betrayal of her. They hate me without even knowing me. It is a horrible situation. He has asked the girls to go to counselling with him but they refuse. What can we do?

]]> Comment on 10 Dating Tips for Widows and Widowers by Abel Keogh http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com/death-of-a-spouse/dealing-with-grief/featured-articles/10-dating-tips-for-widows-and-widowers/#comment-80 Abel Keogh Fri, 12 Jun 2009 17:34:22 +0000 http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com/?p=330#comment-80 Mary, Glad you found the essay helpful. Sounds like you're doing the right thing for you. Sharon, There's nothing you can do about the behavior of others. Keep being kind to them no matter how they treat you. In the end they'll come around. Abel Mary,

Glad you found the essay helpful. Sounds like you’re doing the right thing for you.

Sharon,

There’s nothing you can do about the behavior of others. Keep being kind to them no matter how they treat you. In the end they’ll come around.

Abel

]]> Comment on Ideas for Widows or Widowers with Teenagers who are Grieving the Loss of their Parent by Beverly McManus http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com/death-of-a-spouse/contributing-authors/ideas-for-widows-or-widowers-with-teenagers-who-are-grieving-the-loss-of-their-parent/#comment-79 Beverly McManus Wed, 10 Jun 2009 06:08:07 +0000 http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com/?p=236#comment-79 Peggy, Thanks for your comment on the article. I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. Please accept my sincere condolences. I know this is an awful time in your life, and want you to know you're not alone. We are here to be your companions on your grief journey. I'm really glad you reached out. Your heart has been broken, so it's natural that you are feeling so very sad. I wonder if you'd consider trying to attend a grief workshop or counseling sessions. Especially with the intensity of your feelings, you are going to need a lot of support. Don't worry about crying ... it is a very natural and useful part of your grief journey. I'd like to encourage you to read this article -- it has some specific ideas that might help you feel a little better right away. "Nature’s Remedy - Allowing the Universe to Embrace Us in Our Pain and Need" http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com/death-of-a-spouse/contributing-authors/natures-remedy-allowing-the-universe-to-embrace-us-in-our-pain-and-need/ Most important of all, I hope you will soon realize that you have within yourself the strength to keep going. You don't have to do it alone -- just reach out. I hope that you'll stay in touch and let us know how you're doing. Big Hugs, Beverly Chantalle Peggy,

Thanks for your comment on the article. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. Please accept my sincere condolences. I know this is an awful time in your life, and want you to know you’re not alone. We are here to be your companions on your grief journey. I’m really glad you reached out.

Your heart has been broken, so it’s natural that you are feeling so very sad. I wonder if you’d consider trying to attend a grief workshop or counseling sessions. Especially with the intensity of your feelings, you are going to need a lot of support. Don’t worry about crying … it is a very natural and useful part of your grief journey.

I’d like to encourage you to read this article — it has some specific ideas that might help you feel a little better right away. “Nature’s Remedy - Allowing the Universe to Embrace Us in Our Pain and Need” http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com/death-of-a-spouse/contributing-authors/natures-remedy-allowing-the-universe-to-embrace-us-in-our-pain-and-need/

Most important of all, I hope you will soon realize that you have within yourself the strength to keep going. You don’t have to do it alone — just reach out. I hope that you’ll stay in touch and let us know how you’re doing.

Big Hugs,
Beverly Chantalle

]]> Comment on 10 Dating Tips for Widows and Widowers by Kevin http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com/death-of-a-spouse/dealing-with-grief/featured-articles/10-dating-tips-for-widows-and-widowers/#comment-78 Kevin Sat, 06 Jun 2009 05:54:58 +0000 http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com/?p=330#comment-78 Dating sound's absolutly dreadfull right now. I can't even imagine the thought. Dating sound’s absolutly dreadfull right now. I can’t even imagine the thought.

]]> Comment on Ideas for Widows or Widowers with Teenagers who are Grieving the Loss of their Parent by Peggy http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com/death-of-a-spouse/contributing-authors/ideas-for-widows-or-widowers-with-teenagers-who-are-grieving-the-loss-of-their-parent/#comment-77 Peggy Fri, 05 Jun 2009 23:55:35 +0000 http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com/?p=236#comment-77 My name is Peggy. The nicest man I have ever ever met died of a very rare brain disease. I know I'm not suppose to be able to understand WHY, I know I'm suppose to try to accept this, but this is the worst raw pain I have ever felt in my life . He was my best friend and my husband . I can't even type these words out right now without my heart ripping apart. I need to talk to someone who GETS it and can comprehend this. Can someone please help me ? Please ? Thankyou Peggy My name is Peggy. The nicest man I have ever ever met died of a very rare brain disease. I know I’m not suppose to be able to understand WHY, I know I’m suppose to try to accept this, but this is the worst raw pain I have ever felt in my life . He was my best friend and my husband . I can’t even type these words out right now without my heart ripping apart. I need to talk to someone who GETS it and can comprehend this. Can someone please help me ? Please ? Thankyou Peggy

]]> Comment on 10 Dating Tips for Widows and Widowers by sharon http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com/death-of-a-spouse/dealing-with-grief/featured-articles/10-dating-tips-for-widows-and-widowers/#comment-75 sharon Wed, 03 Jun 2009 22:40:41 +0000 http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com/?p=330#comment-75 I HAD BEEN MARRIED OVER 30 YRS.I HAVE NO CHILDRED AND VERY LITTLE FAMILY LEFT.I MET A WONDERFUL WIDOWER IN SUMMER OF 2008.WE ARE VERY MUCH IN LOVE AND THERE HAS BEEN A LOT OF THINGS SAID.THE PROBLEM COMES WITH HIS 3 CHILDRED WHO ARE ALL COLLEGE GRADUATES.THEY ARE IGNORING ME AS IF I DO NOT EXIST AND THE MIDDLE ONE CRIES AT MEALS WHEN I AM THERE.THEIR MOTHER HAS BEEN GONE FOR 8 YRS AND I AM VERY DIFFERENT FROM HER.I AM NOT TRYING TO TAKE HER PLACE NOR DO I WANT THEM TO FORGET HER.THEY LEAVE THE ROOM AND ALL 3 HOLE UP IN THERE FOR OVER 6 HOURS.2 LIVE AWAY AND THEY DO NOT COME OFTEN.HOW CAN I GET THEM TO ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM.WE WANT A FUTURE TOGETHER AND I WANT THEIR RESPECT .I JUST KEEP SMILING AND TRY BUT THE AIR IS SO FROZEN I WOULD NEED MORE THAN AN ICE PICK TO GET THRU TO THEM.THEIR FATHER IS 1 YR YOUNGER THAN ME.I AM THE VERY FIRST ONE HE HAS BEEN SERIOUS WITH.THEY CALL WHEN WE ARE TOGETHER AND HE TELLS THEM I AM WITH HIM BUT NOT ONE HELLO YET.I AM AT A LOSS AT HOW TO REACH THEM I HAD BEEN MARRIED OVER 30 YRS.I HAVE NO CHILDRED AND VERY LITTLE FAMILY LEFT.I MET A WONDERFUL WIDOWER IN SUMMER OF 2008.WE ARE VERY MUCH IN LOVE AND THERE HAS BEEN A LOT OF THINGS SAID.THE PROBLEM COMES WITH HIS 3 CHILDRED WHO ARE ALL COLLEGE GRADUATES.THEY ARE IGNORING ME AS IF I DO NOT EXIST AND THE MIDDLE ONE CRIES AT MEALS WHEN I AM THERE.THEIR MOTHER HAS BEEN GONE FOR 8 YRS AND I AM VERY DIFFERENT FROM HER.I AM NOT TRYING TO TAKE HER PLACE NOR DO I WANT THEM TO FORGET HER.THEY LEAVE THE ROOM AND ALL 3 HOLE UP IN THERE FOR OVER 6 HOURS.2 LIVE AWAY AND THEY DO NOT COME OFTEN.HOW CAN I GET THEM TO ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM.WE WANT A FUTURE TOGETHER AND I WANT THEIR RESPECT .I JUST KEEP SMILING AND TRY BUT THE AIR IS SO FROZEN I WOULD NEED MORE THAN AN ICE PICK TO GET THRU TO THEM.THEIR FATHER IS 1 YR YOUNGER THAN ME.I AM THE VERY FIRST ONE HE HAS BEEN SERIOUS WITH.THEY CALL WHEN WE ARE TOGETHER AND HE TELLS THEM I AM WITH HIM BUT NOT ONE HELLO YET.I AM AT A LOSS AT HOW TO REACH THEM

]]> Comment on “(Not So) Happy Birthday!” Dealing with Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Traumatic Dates by Faxless Payday Loans http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com/death-of-a-spouse/dealing-with-grief/featured-articles/not-so-happy-birthday-dealing-with-birthdays-anniversaries-and-other-traumatic-dates/#comment-74 Faxless Payday Loans Sat, 30 May 2009 02:02:17 +0000 http://opentohopedeathofaspouse.com/?p=169#comment-74 Oh I know, when it comes to my birthday I just look at it as just another day. but I thank god everyday for giving me one more day of life.. Oh I know, when it comes to my birthday I just look at it as just another day. but I thank god everyday for giving me one more day of life..

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